fun fiction

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Detective Heroes – Tintin

Published May 17, 2012 by loonyliterature
Tintin (character)

Tintin (character) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tintin is a teenage boy who is also a journalist.  He is my hero because he constantly fights evil, that is my foremost reason for having Tintin high upon my list of detective heroes.  However, there is something important about a Tintin book which must not be overlooked when you are a boy detective yourself.  When boy detectives are on a case, they can sometimes find their heads are on the point of exploding – we become suspicious of everyone and as the plot thickens, it can seem as if there is no way out of the mess.

Budding detectives, this is a number one detecting tip for the exploding brain.  Get yourself a bag of Bull’s Eyes and a Tintin book and focus on enjoying yourself.  This tricks your brain in getting order in the mess you are detecting.  Tintin books work particularly well because the drawing is superb, your eyeballs are so busy taking in its splendour that you forget about your brain pain.  As you rush from situation to situation with Tintin, you are transported, for the time being you are Tintin.

Reading a Tintin book also has other beneficial uses.  It is easy as a boy detective to feel that you are rubbish at your job – life can get you down.  We all have weeks when we watch the man across the road, Theophile Twitcher and have him down as a dangerous criminal, later to  find out that he is simply an overenthusiastic birdwatcher.  It happens and we feel like someone has splattered a custard pie in our faces.  At moments like that, I would recommend, budding detectives, that you pick up a Tintin comic book and read it.  Thompson and Thompson are the worst detectives in the world.  They aren’t simply suspicious like us, oh no – they want to arrest the wrong person constantly.

I always think it is important that budding detectives become top notch at being in disguise.  It is not easy.  In fact, it can be quite off putting when you are dressed as an old tramp and The Thunderous Mother passes and says “Hello Will” to you.  However, we can be certain of one thing – we will never be as bad as Thompson and Thompson at disguises.  They might as well wear huge signs over the tops of the heads shouting “DETECTIVES IN VERY BAD DISGUISES.”  So budding detectives, if everyone recognises you in your latest disguise – read a Tintin book – you will feel much better.

My Favourite Detecting Equipment (1). The Magnifying Glass. No Adults Allowed.

Published May 6, 2012 by loonyliterature

Being a successful detective means that we have to notice what is going on around us but we also have to use our brains.  We must never forget the importance of our detecting equipment though.  For those of you who are hoping to become detectives, you need to get a magnifying glass.  The criminal thinks he can fool us but he or she always leaves something behind to set us on a trail.  This is why a magnifying glass is needed – it shows us clues the naked eye cannot see. 

Top tip for trying out your magnifying glass.

If, all day, you had been thinking about those last three chocolate biscuits left in the biscuit tin and you find them gone – what should you do?  Obviously, you question everyone as to the whereabouts of the missing biscuits but we all know that brothers, sisters and grandmas deny everything.  This is where the magnifying glass comes into its own.  Hide the magnifying glass behind your back and then quickly produce it.  Use the magnifying glass to look around your suspect’s mouth and on their clothes.  If you see suspicious looking crumbs, you will realise that you have caught the biscuit chomping culprit.

Well done detective pals – see you shortly.

Get Your Revenge! Want To Blow Off Steam? Get Your Good Quality Insults Here!

Published April 17, 2012 by loonyliterature

 Will Blyton has had enough of The Stinking Shadow and tried to lock him in a trunk. 

It didn’t work.  The Stinking Shadow whiffs for Olde England and the stench broke the lock.

Will Blyton is always on the wrong end of Hamnet’s, the tiny boy trapped in a stone, insults.  Always being one for an opportunity, Will has decided to use  some on  The Stinking Shadow.  Who would you use them on? 

Thou wilt regret this warty nose.

Leave me be, thou fetid skanky breath.

Thou art but a worm eating corpse.

Mule’s manure, that is what thou art.

Thou bent nosed fool.

Thou springy haired oik.

Get off thy knees thou feeble minded dog.

It wilt happen later, old septic earache.

Thou leaking guts.

Thou mangy rat’s bum.


Gangsters Go For Gobber!

Published April 3, 2012 by loonyliterature


Ambrose Pimple

Groaningsea Gazette  Editor, Reporter and Coffee Boy. License: PublicDomain Keywords: people Author: AbiClipart Title: Magnifying Glass (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Gobber’s Joke Shop has graced Groaningsea’s back streets since anyone can remember.  Gobber is Groaningsea and Groaningsea is Gobber.  We have to ask ourselves why is Groaningsea, and now Gobber, being targeted by the mob?   

To understand the intensity of this crime we must realise that it is not one single crime which Gobber has been victim of but a catalogue of them.  Regular readers will remember Ambrose Pimple, head crime consultant of the Groaningsea Gazette, dutifully reporting how Gobber suffered crime in the past.  For new readers of the Groaningsea Gazette, who we hope will become regular readers, let me explain. 

Being the principle joke shop owner of Groaningsea, well actually, he’s the only joke shop owner of Groaningsea, Gobber feels it is his duty to be a role model to his young customers.  As fresh air and exercise is the order of the day for a healthy mind and body, Gobber does a daily jaunt on the promenade.  Gobber’s celebrity status in this small town means that during the school holidays he is accompanied by his fans spurring him on. 

On the unfortunate day of the first crime, some hard nosed criminal attached a sign onto the back of Gobber’s anorak.  The sign read : 

Gobber smells.  Yell if, you agree. 

Consequently,  a shouting mob stampeded the promenade with Gobber in front believing his own personal charisma was causing the racket.  Not that Gobber doesn’t have personal charisma, you understand.  Top crime correspondent, Ambrose Pimple charged through the crowd, whipped his windcheater off, flung it over Gobber’s head and made for the Drowning Fish Café.  Peace soon ensued but there was more to follow.

The next attack on the unfortunate Gobber was the advertisement in the Groaningsea Gazette.  A ruthless criminal masqueraded as Gobber and placed an advert in this very newspaper.  We have to be dealing with the professional underworld, otherwise how would the fake advert have gotten past Doris the cleaning lady who sells advertising space on her day off?  The advert, which looked very impressive with our new style headings read GRAB FREE GOODIES AT GOBBERS.  Derek Frisk, the local St John’s Ambulance man resuscitated Gobber as his shelves emptied. 

A wooden "roller" type rolling pin

A wooden "roller" type rolling pin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Gobber wishes to warn the underworld that he has now taken arms and his mother Mavis is hiding in the back of the shop with her rolling pin and length of elastic, ready for action.



Will Blyton – The Alternative Detective’s Video Diary 1.

Published April 3, 2012 by loonyliterature

Find out what The Stinking Shadow steals.

Watch the video and find out what happens when Will Blyton comes face to face with The Toad, Ferret and Snot.

Notice what The Stinking Shadow hides under the table.  I think there might be the beginning of a story there for you.

After watching the video, why not make up your own scene about bullying with some friends.

Act it out.  How does the person who is being bullied feel?

How do the bullies feel?  Think about why they do it.

If you have access to a camera, why not film yourselves.

Have a great Loony Literature time.

Will Blyton – The Alternative Detective’s Video Diary 4

Published April 2, 2012 by loonyliterature
Artwork by Charles Raymond Macauley for the 19...

Artwork by Charles Raymond Macauley for the 1904 edition of The strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. Publisher: New York Scott-Thaw (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Watch the terrible Mr Hyde from the Boris Death room.  Why is he so shocked?

Will Blyton decides he needs publicity.  He will he approach Ambrose Pimple?

Why do you think Mr Hyde seems to be so friendly towards the other monsters from The Boris Death room?

What does he steal?

Based on your answers, why not write your own sketch about some ghoulish characters and perform it with friends?

Gangsters Go For Groaningsea!

Published April 2, 2012 by loonyliterature
Garden gnome with wheelbarrow

Garden gnome with wheelbarrow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Ambrose Pimple

(Groaningsea Gazette Editor, Reporter, Secretary and Coffee Boy.)

Residents of Groaningsea be on the alert!  Strange happenings are taking place on your very own doorstep.  It is thought that a master criminal is on the loose.  It is not an ordinary criminal, that much is known.  How do we know this?  Ace crime reporter, Ambrose Pimple has been on the scene of these extraordinary happenings.  Stone gargoyles with secret messages on them have been left on doorsteps in the town. 

Ambrose Pimple has made the decision not to disclose the secret messages at this point in time as it could cause a spate of copycat crimes.  As an ace crime reporter, Ambrose Pimple has delved into the mind of the ruthless criminal over the years.  He has to admit, he has not come across such a cunning criminal mastermind of this type before.  The key question, says Pimple, is what is so unique about this crime?  He understands that the ordinary public will not be able to answer this penetrating question and so he explains:  The ordinary criminal takes from us.  We have all been there when our garden gnomes have disappeared.  However, The Gargoyle Gangster, as he will be referred to from now on, has us on the run.  He plays with our law abiding minds – he doesn’t whiz our washing from our lines or even pilfer our plants, NO!  The Gargoyle Gangster leaves his threatening mark upon our doorsteps.  What has this criminal mastermind got in store for Groaningsea next?

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