I rush to the window. Ravensmite lands on the branch of a tree and caws loudly. It is a full moon. The outline of the large bird is easy to see. Suddenly, its gimlet eyes spot something and it swoops. It is the decayed corpse of a rabbit. The huge hooked beak tears at the tendrils of flesh and maggots. It gorges hungrily, the head shifting into a teenage boy wolfing at the feast of death upon the ground. He licks the ground clean of blood and maggots. After a final sniff around, it shifts fully back into a powerful, glistening raven again.
“If you are staying Thadeus, you have to go through a rigorous bathroom etiquette as laid down by the law of The Thunderous Mother.”
Thadeus sits up excitedly.
“What is that master Will?”
“Oh you will enjoy it.” I have my fingers crossed behind my back. “Every modern day boy is absolutely mad for the rigorous bathroom etiquette.” I suck my cheeks in to control myself.
“Wait here a minute.”
Thadeus smiles gladly.
“You are the best master ever.”
A glimmer of shame starts to creep up on me but then I think of the wind and the spit. Being with Thadeus is like being thrown into gross weather conditions whilst indoors.
I nip into the bathroom, put the plug in the bath and turn the taps on. Whilst the water runs, I peruse the torture chamber which is called the bathroom cabinet. I look for a weapon, spy something which will be just right and then reach out for the antique tongue scraper.
Three years ago, The Thunderous Mother warned Dad that his breath was worse than all Bongo’s dogs combined. Dad took the huff and bought the said tongue scraper from the antique shop. He used it once, which is what Dad does with everything and then it got left in the cabinet. It will do.
Next is a pumice stone which The Thunderous Mother bought Dad for his birthday. Pumice stone, is a grey stone used to scrape the decaying feet of adults.
Finally, I seize upon a tub which has a picture of a face covered in mud. The Thunderous Mother said that the face mask would make her look like a teenager. She thought that the longer she left it on, the younger she would look. It was not a happy moment when Dad had to use a chisel to remove it.
The bath is ready. The room is full of steam and I rub my hands together. There is only one thing better than plotting on the bed and that is putting the plan into action.
If you remember from last time, Hamnet (the Tudor boy trapped in the stone) is trying to get me back in time. To be able to improve in our time travelling techniques, we are watching Doctor Who to pick up tips. Last time, we had gone forward one week to April 1974. Hamnet was insufferable. He bragged on and on about what a time travelling magician he was – then it happened and to be honest the insult maker was lost for words. I exaggerate; he was lost for words for a short time.
I am having problems here deciding whether to give you the news or not. The genius inside me says that I should so that you will have something to look forward to. Firstly, Doctor Who does not end when “The Monster of Peladon” finishes. Hamnet took us forward in time to see “Planet of Spiders”. It was whilst watching the last episode of “Planet of Spiders” on June 8th, 1974 that Hamnet got the shock of his life.
I expect you are wondering what happened on June 8th 1974 to shock Hamnet so much. We saw The Doctor die. He had been fatally affected by Metebelis Crystals. Hamnet was in such a state. He had thought The Doctor could teach him to get back to his own time. He was sitting there sobbing in his stone prison whilst Sarah Jane Smith sobbed on the television; then something else happened. I had heard about this happening before but as I had not seen it myself, I didn’t want to give Hamnet false hopes. It is called Regeneration. Hamnet and I watched as The Doctor changed into what looked like another person. It was still The Doctor but he looked totally different. Hamnet now believes that The Doctor is a far more powerful magician than Corpsehound. He is sure that if he watches The Doctor for long enough, he will discover all his secrets. Hamnet is positive that by learning from The Doctor, he will be able to fight Master Corpsehound and release himself from the stone. Only time will tell. Meanwhile, if anyone knows how to improve Hamnet’s time travelling skills into the past please comment at willblyton.com
- Time Travelling Heroes – The Doctor from Doctor Who (part one) (willblyton.com)
In Will Blyton and The Stinking Shadow, I tried to get Hamnet, the Tudor boy magician who is trapped in the stone, to send me back to the 14th century, so that I could get Robert the Bruce to teach me how to be a warrior. It turned out that Hamnet sometimes gets things wrong and instead brought a 14th century monk to me. After getting me into all sorts of trouble we did manage to send the monk back in time. Yes, we really do dabble in time travel.
Anyway, moving on – as you know, I have waves of genius. It occurred to me that if Hamnet watched Doctor Who on the television – it might give him some time travel ideas. So I introduced Hamnet to my time travelling hero – The Doctor. I love watching Doctor Who but was not sure how an insulting Tudor boy would take to it. He watched The Monster of Peladon. Now here is the shock. The shock is not that Hamnet loved it; the shock is that he loved it so much, it improved his magic spells and he took us into the future. The only reason he took us into the future was that he wanted to see what happened in The Monster of Peladon. I don’t know about you but if he can take me forward one week in 1974, surely he must be able to go back in time.
I questioned Hamnet about this and he thinks that he will have to focus on going forward in time for the moment. He is obsessed with finding out what happens to The Doctor. It is 1974 and I have no idea how long Doctor Who runs on the television. It is great for Hamnet because it is making him focus on his time travelling skills. My worry is that The Doctor never has another adventure after The Monster of Peladon. Who knows what the future holds for The Doctor in 1974 and beyond?
- Will Blyton and The Stinking Shadow. (excerpt) (willblyton.com)
- My Favourite Detecting Equipment (2). The Torch. No Adults Allowed. (willblyton.com)
- Introducing children to Shakespeare by using insults. (loonyliterature.com)